momentary regret

I should have left

I should have never let the deceiving shaft of sunlight on brow eyes so bright

confuse my thoughts and muddy my mind

break my resolve to never respond in kind

I should have listened to revulsion and welcomed disdain

I should never have allowed the casing of so much pain

with nothing remaining from this liaison to gain

I regret

I regret shared moments under and whispered sweet things

shared imaginations of passions and lovely mental wanderings

I regret time spent on loving meanderings

vast as the wild african savannah

soothing as a cool breeze on a hot day on a shaded verandah

I should have never let our liaison be

when he now labels me a lover wannabe

Shuga!

I was plenty impressed with this. Click on the link to see the preview.

Shuga Episode 1

my apology

This is not an excuse

this is not a justification for the things I have done

this is not a validation of the pain I have caused you

this is a sincere confession

an acknowlegdement of my many slights against you

and an acceptance of responsibility,

I failed you. I betrayed your love, I betrayed your committment.

I betrayed our love.

and  I robbed you of happiness.

This is my apology.

Eternally, for as long as you live and I breathe,

for as long as the memory of your scent, the texture of your skin, the razor-sharp edge of your mind

remains in my conscious domain

for as long as I am constantly reminded of the equation of we;

of a life loved together, the endless possibilities

as long as I remember the folly of my choice to leave,

I shall always be sorry, I shall always regret.

I bemoan the folly of my actions.

I regret, more than I can ever express.

Walking away from you.

Walking away from the one person who could fully  appreciate the measure of me

I can say no more.

I am covered in my shame.

For Sikuku :)

I  await your arrival with barely contained anticipation.

I always catch myself in a reverie…

Imagining  soft baby skin…sweet talc baby scents..

Wondering what skin tone you shall take…

shall it be a rich mocha, a healthy yellow glow,

or dark as a moonless night?

Hearing happy echoing  coos down the corridor..

Seeing your little feet in innumerable little booties..

running up and down wrecking havoc on everything you lay your curious little hands on.

I imagine your teething days, rubbing Ashton on your pink swollen gums, and lulling you to sleep when the runs wear you down,

I am humbled by the joy you are already bringing into this world  by the simple fact of your existence.

I imagine you having the time of your life, in the warm, dim, velvet paradise, every time you distort mama’s womb with happy kicks.

maybe you are dancing a little jig to the Bongo music she likes so much…

Your not here yet, yet the promise of your presence forever in my life inspires and challenges me to be a better woman.

So, as you grow,

preparing to come into this cold, hard and thankless world;

know that you shall never want

for warmth,

for friendship

for mentorship

for guidance

for love.

innumerable warm loving arms await you.

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Accurate personality test

Connecting Dots – (playing with words)

It is a window

I stand looking up at it from below a hill on a roadside on the outside edge of  a excellently manicured hedge

I’m on the outside, trying to  look in

but it doesnt matter.

I look through the window glass and see a life I could be living out there

my adventures are in the books I read in the sequestered gloom of my prison like room.

Today I saw him, he stood on the road below the hill below my sill and touched me with his eyes

but it doesnt matter.

He thought with his heart and acted in haste

all that he has left is a galling bitter taste

defeat on his tongue despair in his breast

her kin’s sturdiest defense, he could not best

see him on the road, gazing yonder

lonely thoughts consume him as her escape he ponders

but it doesnt matter.

What he is to me

The  mind is willing but the body is weak

it aches, throbs, pains

with pleasure

with lust, burning me until my skin swelters from within

participation, promise,torturous thoughts of he

I drive myself insane with lust…thus

with thoughts, of which I can never speak

The bondage of words, of vows unspoken

freely given, reluctantly taken, binds me, binds us

thorny twisted brambles , studded with lethally dripping honey sugar wet poisonous lust

pregnant with promise.

of ecstacy….

I long to touch , to lay hands on, to revel in the satin texture of his skin

dark like folds of a umbilicus

his manhood ignites storms of barely restrained passion

melting me into a puddle of want, of longing, of desire

of fantasies dreamed, cherished and hidden away

of heaven and miles between my thighs…

Slowly, I resolve to withstand the onslaught

but in the heat of desire, I melt away

I can hardly think past the tang old  sea salt scent of his skin..

and when he walks by

he sends me into alternating attacks of panic and longing.

frantically, I try to regain my composure…rebuild my walls before he notices.

He must never know.

I am no longer confused by my emotions.

I am no longer undecided

I am no longer afraid.

with acceptance, I am no longer in denial.

He is my antithesis

He causes my womanhood to rejoice and mourn in alternate turns

at the satisfaction giveth  man, and the limitless fallibility of his ways.

He evolves my sensory  perceptions

sharpening my visual of life with crystal clear clarity

the high definition of the sepia tones…

each times he holds me in his arms

He is my tone.

the low keys strumming resonant from the deep vocals in his ebony throat ;

sending wave after wave of desire cascading over me , drenching me…

leaving me gasping with all I am just to squeeze a breath through my pleasure stricken lungs

sometimes leaving me shaking in unfullfilment..

Under his control,

I strum deep baritones…

high clear notes

scaling form octave to octave

till he leaves me crashing yet again from the crescendo of passion unbridled.

He moves me to verse

he moves me to tears

he moves me to song and lightly footed dance

my spirit wallowin in the  bitter sweet refrains

when he strums me.

In My Dreams

I would share this treasure with only you.

Last night, I went to sleep.

I was there, in my dream,

A part of me but not in me,

Inside of you yet not within you,

A part of us, but separate from us,

As were you.

In my dream,

You were insane with lust,

It nearly made me lose control to see you thus,

A part of me struggled to remember to be gentle.

Another part didn’t give a damn.

Feel. Taste. Indulge.

So I touched, felt, tasted, and nibbled… bit… and teased,

My teeth left small red marks here and there on your skin,

I remember thinking that they looked intriguing beside the tattooed design

On your body,

In my dream…

And I indulged myself in the pleasure of your body

Your panting gasps all had a quiet vocalization to them now,

A sound that both spoke of your need and urged me on.

The scent of you was driving me insane.

With my hands, with my mouth, with the touch of my body,

I kindled your quiet moans to cries of need.

And you screamed again,

Our cries mingled together as we intertwined.

The strain of muscles and bodies and hungers overwhelmed us.

The motions of your body… swift, liquid, and desperate.

And there wasn’t any way I could keep you from taking me over the brink with you…

Pleasure like fire consumed us both and burned our thoughts to ash.

Time drifted by and did not touch us.

Unsettled

If I had a pen and paper in my hand,

I would write of the tumult that rages in my mind.

Double jeopardy…

Innocent and convicted, then guilty and free…

and so my path continues

Littered with  bloody broken bits barley recognizable.

Eternally I march to the soundtrack of half whispered wholly wished curses

The  wailing like bullets aimed straight for my head

my dodging  steps wildly staccato

running from the buzzing bee around my head, in my head.

I seethe from the hand that life continually deals me.

I cannot escape myself.

I cannot run from the power that is my thought. My negative thought.

Always stronger than my positivity.

I am the prototype Poison Ivy…

And so, on this my path I  continue…

Mayhaps… I shall find a less bloody  place to rest.

she saw – right through you

She protected you when they came after you

She overlooked your past, threw all the nay-sayers’ words to the wind

She gave you the best of she…

She loved you, she cared for you, she supplied your needs

She even entertained you

As a wife to her husband

As a confidant to a friend

As a screw to a bolt

She was to you

She was every thing you wanted in a woman,

Sometimes giving you more than you expected

She was your lover’s rock

She stood by your side.

She was yours…

Now she’s gone

Did I hear you wonder why she’s gone?

Because you made a fool of her

You lied to her face

You lied with your heart,

You gave your love to another

You committed to another

You gave up the meaning of you and her

Belittled all the sacrifice

For a passing whim

And worse still

You got caught.

The reason is simple.

She’s gone

Because you made a fool of her